Sachin retires; fans shocked; bowlers disappointed

"It hit us like a bolt out of the blue! He seemed unstoppable until he reached 200 international centuries." moaned Ravi Shastri. Former batting great Sunil Gavaskar shared Mr. Shastri's sentiment, "India needs Sachin now more than ever." When reminded that Mr. Gavaskar had called for Sachin's retirement as recently as last week, his response was candid. "I have been advising Sachin for the last 20 years, and he has always ignored me. I did not expect he will take me seriously, least of all on his decision to retire!"

The fans were inconsolable. Several of them had already gathered at the India Gate in a peaceful protest and a candlelight vigil. 18-year old Rahul (name changed) appeared disoriented. "The world's not the same anymore. Sachin has stopped playing. God knows what's next? The sun won't rise in the East!" Others were more rational in their grief. "Watching cricket will never be the same. Sachin was special and he gave so much excitement. He was arguably the world's best, but he would never deliver when India needed. That got us glued to the TV sets in the hope that maybe in this match things would change. They never did."

Not just his fans, even his opponents were left disappointed with Sachin's decision to retire. Edulolo Patagou, 14-year old bowling sensation from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe woke up to the news of Sachin's retirement and was disappointed. "I was hoping to make my ODI debut in 2016 when India tours Zimbabwe. I had my eyes set on getting Sachin's wicket at least three times in the series. His vulnerability against straight balls from slow bowlers is well-known." Former English pacer Ian Botham echoed these thoughts. "Every kid in my academy dreams about getting Sachin out. None of them are expected to play for England before 2020, but I assured them that the little master would still be around. I can't look into their eyes now." A similar pall of gloom descended on cricket academies in Australia, New Zealand and South Africa while two such academies in Ireland were shut down. Bowling coach, Fred O'Brien, felt it was pointless to run the academy. "The boys realized that their prospect of getting wickets in international cricket evaporated with Sachin's retirement."

Bangladesh, on the other hand, erupted in spontaneous celebrations. Long lines were seen outside the Shere-e-Bangla cricket stadium where the Bangladesh Cricket Board is headquartered. People were lining up for the upcoming winter bowling camp. Ahmed Murtuza, a software engineer sounded delighted, "I quit my job and want to be a cricketer now." Akram Khan, former captain of the Bangladesh cricket team explained, "For years, Sachin's best performances were against us. He was remarkably consistent and would inevitably notch up a century whenever he played against Bangladesh. The morale of our bowlers was crushed, but his retirement has given a much needed boost. We can go back to being the most dreaded bowling attack in the world." 

Poor Customer Service

The customer service at even the most urbane of places often leaves a lot to be desired. The staff is either too intrusive or plain inattentive. Either they come across as over enthusiastic or plain arrogant. Why is it so difficult to strike the balance? Because the staff is unable to put themselves in the customers' shoes. They cannot visualize the mindset of yuppie professionals who stop by a Barista or Coffee Day. And how can they, for they are rarely educated beyond 10th grade, and in many cases, have moved in from semi-urban or rural areas. To make matters worse, the items on the menu are usually western imports, which even the clientele has trouble comprehending and pronouncing. This is precisely the problem faced by Indian callcenters. The service reps have to connect to an entirely different type of customer and it is not simply about speaking with an accent. The BPOs have realized this and are investing in training their staff on culture-specific matters. How long will it take for the coffee shops and restaurants to realize they need to do something similar?

Hussain's Pain India's Gain

A section of the intelligentsia is troubled by M F Hussain's acceptance of Qatari citizenship, a situation supposedly aggravated by our government's disinterest to bring him back. They feel we have lost a great artist. Whether Hussain deserved the kind of backlash for his paintings, and whether the methods of the protesters were legitimate is not the point of this post. My point is rather pragmatic. What did we lose?

So Hussain will continue to paint from wherever he is, and if he is the master painter they proclaim him to be, he is sure to attract attention and awards and whatever it is that painters are honored with. With the threat of the so-called Hindu fundamentalists out of the window, he can confidently push his envelope and paint Gods, Goddesses, Demons, Angels, maybe even humans in whatever manner, and by the simple rule of probability, one of them is bound to hit the bullseye. Should that happen, our media will promptly claim credit highlighting his Indian association, for he learnt and practiced the art here. This is more than what can be said about certain other artistes in whose success we brazenly bask. The most recent instance being a website that has proclaimed that Desis have taken international TV by storm. Notwithstanding that "Desi" is generally used in derogatory sense, none of the actors featured in this list have ever lived or practiced in India, to the best of my knowledge. Its not too far fetched to imagine that the media will claim credit for a novelist, who on a flight from Shanghai to SF, happened to scratch his behind at the precise moment that the flight entered the Indian airspace, and went on to write a bestseller. If thats a stretch, what about the coverage of Amla's Gujju connections following his brilliant performance in the test series?

The way I see it, Hussain will now paint all he wants, and by extension, will come up that one odd monstrosity which will thrill the art world while we will sit back and rejoice that India has produced a master painter. What am I missing?

The Great Indian Laughter Challenge

Even as you thought that the race for the best comedy show was between Star and Sony, the real battle was brewing between Hindi and English news channels. The Aaj Taks and India TVs raced ahead and have become synonymous with wholesome humor. The English news channels were groping for direction though, which was definitively provided by one Mr. Rajdeep Sardesai, and ably carried forward by the likes of Arnab Goswami and Barkha Dutt. I have been followingthe latter two recently, and their shows are a blast. Their brand of humor is as different as chalk and cheese, but the effect is undeniable. Thanks to a fortunate coincidence of ad slots and the fact that the two channels are next to one another, I was treated to a non-stop hour of their performance last night, and my stomach still hurts.

Arnab is clearly after a world record. He wants to host a debate where no panelist gets a word in. In fact, he already has the record for not allowing any panelist to complete a single sentence. His acts have me rolling on the floor laughing. Be it his frustration at not getting a straight response or his repeated assertion that India tunes into his show for answers, he is a blast. And I thought he was the definite numero uno until I stumbled upon Barkha Dutt.

Barkha’s humor is more subtle and situational. She patiently lets her guests finish their sentences, and sincerely follows up with a question, which is inevitably the same as her first one, or in the case that it is not, then totally irrelevant to the topic at hand. The poor panelist falls into the trap of repeating his stance, which only encourages Barkha repeat her question one more time. After two or three such rounds, she is bored and moves on to repeat this game with the next panelist. When she is done playing with all the panelists, she returns to the first one and, of course, poses the exact question she had begun the show with. You could see some panelists visibly struggle to kill their sense of déjà vu.

News channels were last on the list of my TV-viewing preference list and God knows I have missed on some fun. It’s time to undo the damage.

Right, Wrong and Correct

Before the deluge of budget news yesterday, all eyes were on the meeting of foreign secretaries of India and Pakistan. Our nation has a certain view and position on issues ranging from the arrest of 26/11 perpetrators to what is the best and lasting solution to the Kashmir problem. It must have been plenty obvious by now that Pakistan doesn't see things the same way as we do. So to expect that Pakistan will be overawed by our gesture to talk and will change its views overnight is sheer insanity. If our ability to persuade was so magical, and if Pakistan was willing to objectively approach matters, then the impasse would have been resolved long ago. As the editor of The Dawn pointed out on Newshour, we are sitting on the opposite sides of the table, for God's sake!

It is now too late to sit in judgement and say who's right and who's wrong. 50 years back maybe that was an option, but not anymore. To even make an attempt to try and get Pak to see our side of the story is a waste of time and resources. The only way forward is to acknowledge the current situation and evaluate options as alternatives to status quo and not the originally stated positions of the two countries. Agreeing to LoC as the international border must not be evaluated against whether Kashmir rightfully belonged to us or Pakistan; rather, it should be compared to the constant firing that currently takes place, and will continue if no resolution is reached. Some concessions have to be made by both sides.

Today's HT has a piece by Gopalkrishna Gandhi on Prez K R Narayanan, who once asked the Mahatma that the struggle often faced by humans is not so much to choose between the right and the wrong, the truth and the untruth, but rather to choose between one right and another right, and one truth and another truth. Apparently, he did not receive a direct answer, even from the Mahatma. It is easy to distinguish the right from the wrong, but the right option is not always the correct one.